15th June, 2008
Question
I'm writing to you because I don't know what else to do. I feel helpless and desperately alone. Over the past few months I've started to suffer serious anxiety. To begin with it was just in certain social situations and I thought it would go away again. But over the past few weeks it's become much worse. Just the thought of facing people fills me with dread. I get so anxious I shake. I've always been shy, but never felt like this before.
Drink is the only thing that brings any relief, so I've started drinking more. This isn't social drinking. It might be in the morning before I go to work, or during work, because I find work particularly difficult at times. Basically I drink at any time, when I feel this anxiety coming on. Sometimes it feels like I'm breaking down - that's the only way to describe it - and the drink keeps me together.
I've lost all confidence, which is affecting every aspect of my life, professional, personal, social. This makes me feel depressed. Any hope of achieving any aspirations I have seems to be blocked by this anxiety. I guess I was somewhat in denial about this until recently, hoping it would just go away. Instead it's got much worse. It now feels like I'm losing control. That scares me, as I don't know what's happening.
Answer
What you really fear is that you're losing your mind. You're not. But yes, in one way, you are losing control. What's happening is that denial is breaking down. Some emotional issue has come knocking on the door of your conscious mind. And it's demanding to be let in.
That's what anxiety is all about. It signals to us that we have feelings we're ignoring. That can be something as simple as feeling anxious about an exam because we know, deep down, that we're not studying enough. Or something more complicated, like the real reason you're so anxious in social situations - which isn't immediately apparent to you. You don't know what's wrong, because you've buried it so successfully that your anxiety seems illogical to you - which is why you're so afraid.
Believe me, all emotions are entirely logical. And the stronger the anxiety, the more important the issue which lies behind it. Instead of being so afraid of what's happening, honour your mind's obvious desire to deal with this hidden issue. Instead of trying to deaden the anxiety with drink, pay it due heed. It's just the emotional equivalent of having a high temperature, or a terrible pain, although obviously scarier. You're right. You were in denial. The good news is that now you're not. Find a therapist and work it out.
