Question
I worked extremely hard to get a good job in a leading organisation. Unfortunately this has been accompanied along the way by ever-increasing anxiety. It has become so bad that I am in therapy and on anti-depressants for the past five years. I think the underlying reason is that I am not happy with my job. I am tired of the pressure and can't stand thinking, or even talking, about work anymore. My boss would think I am performing well, but I need to change career. All this is severely affecting my confidence too. My mortgage and student debts, however, mean that I can't afford to retrain and do what I feel would make me happy. It feels now like a veil has lifted and I can see how truly miserable I am. I honestly can't take much more.
Answer
I don't doubt the extent of your distress. I do doubt that it's your job. Or said differently, I think job stress may be a factor, but not the defining one. Jobs don't make us happy anyway. We make ourselves happy. My concern is that you're using your job as a kind of scapegoat, believing that if only the job were different, then you would be a new woman. I'm not so sure that's true. Even the most ill-fitting job is unlikely to send us into therapy for five years. It would just remain a job which we dislike, but need for financial reasons. We would just put it in its place, and then seek fulfilment elsewhere.
I'm not saying this lightly. I do know that a career choice can turn out wrong. I do also know that some jobs are extraordinarily stressful. But normally that would result in poor performance, or long tales of difficult job situations, or an irate boss, or very specific complaints on your part about certain aspects of what you do. None of that surfaces in what you're saying to me. Hence my suggestion that you change tack in therapy. Take as a starting point that the job stays - even if only as a source of financial security - and check out ways of making life work for you instead. In short, do what you want to do, which is to stop talking about the job. And take on that depression, which is depriving you of joy.
