Question
I'm an 18 year old girl who is studying for her Leaving Cert this year. My problem is the opposite of what frequently appears in your page. I'm concerned that I may be studying too much.
I know I have the capacity to get seven A1s in the Leaving Cert, so that is exactly what I am trying to do. I'm a bright student and I would be assured of my college course if I got 590 points. So I don't actually have to put in that extra effort to get seven A1's. It is simply success and the desire to do my best which is driving me. I know I would be disappointed if next August, when I see my results, there aren't at least 6 A1's there.
I want to know if it's OK to feel this way. It seems to me that most of the other students in my year aren't taking the Leaving Cert seriously at all. They are treating this year like any other normal school year - even adding more extra- curricular activities to their hectic social schedules. I don't go out at all during the week, or the weekend. I have also given up extra-curricular activities for this year. I never went out at the weekend anyway. I'm very close to my sisters, so I never felt a need for much social contact with my friends outside of school. I study at lest four hours a night, all day Saturday, and then take Sunday completely off, doing other things I enjoy.
I want to know if all of this is OK. I don't want to be drained physically and mentally by June. Can I keep up this pace? Next year, in college, I intend to be fully sociable and have the chance to really express myself. I'm looking forward to it. But I've got this year to get through first. My parents think I study too much, but they don't understand my work ethic. No- one understands that I want to do well simply because I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't achieve my full potential.
Please don't tell me I'm taking the Leaving Cert too seriously. It matters to me. Study is the one thing I'm really good at, where I outshine everybody else. I want lasting proof of this in the form of seven A1's.
Answer
This isn't just a question of whether or not you can keep up the pace. Your problem isn't simply about being physically and emotionally drained by the time your exams come around. There's a very thin line between burning ambition and being in emotional trouble. It's a very hard one to call. And I certainly can't do it at this distance.
Everyone who aspires to high goals is single-minded, intensely focussed, disciplined enough to pass through the pain barrier - be it physical, mental, social or emotional - and deeply motivated. They don't want to be good. They want to be the best. They pay a price - and sometimes it's a huge price. They believe it's worth it.
The big question is how they handle failure. You see, someone who is seriously ambitious doesn't envisage failure. It's not an option. They analyse the goal - say an Olympic gold medal - and go for it, finding new and innovative ways of achieving their ambition if and when they meet any obstacles. That's part of their power, part of the reason they succeed.
In the real world, however, that gold medal may prove elusive. Those 7A1's might not materialise. Anyone who loves you, will be concerned about the fall-out if that should happen. If you eat well, sleep well, and give your body a bit of exercise, then I don't think you study too much - although maybe you do - but that's not the real issue. What sets my heart trembling as you talk is the intensity of your want, the depth of your desire. Yet, as I've already said, it's that kind of intensity that sends people to victory. But our strength is always our Achilles heel. Your single-mindedness puts you in danger of falling apart if those 7A1's don't come through the post next August.
As I'm talking to you here I'm thinking that maybe it would be a good idea for you to contact a sports psychologist. I mean, how do serious athletes think only in terms of success, yet at the same time prepare themselves for emotional survival if they should fail? I honestly don't know. I do know that I'm concerned about a couple of things you've said.
Why are you setting yourself the goal of 7A1's, when you tell me yourself that you need less to get into the course of your choice in college? Yes, I know you're talking about fulfilling your potential, but that's just another way of saying you want this as your goal. Why aren't you taking the more comfortable route of aiming for the points you really need? To the onlooker, it seems you're unnecessarily setting yourself up for failure - or for excessively hard work. I mean, if the goal was the points you need, couldn't you get more exercise, or whatever is currently lacking in your schedule?
Why do you feel that studying is the only thing you're good at? What else have your tried and failed? The ambition to shine at your studies is fine. Competitiveness is good. But I'm wondering if there's a gap you're trying to fill? In my house I was the blue-stocking and my sister was the beauty. I loved studying, did well, still like using my brain. But I suffered a lot of pain about not being the beauty - and for that read attractive female. Put plainly, I was studying because I actually loved it. I was also studying to compensate for my perceived lack of attractiveness. Studying was enjoyable, but also a substitute for living out other parts of my life. And, of course, I was trying to please, hoping to be loved by excelling in the role I had been handed - in my case by my father. Is something like that happening somewhere in your head and heart?
What more can I tell you, without sounding like I want to stop you in your tracks, which I don't? I just hope for you that you know you are loved, no matter what number of A1's you get. I just hope that you'll turn to your parents for succour and comfort if anything goes wrong. They are already watching over you carefully. Don't be angry about that. Be glad. In saying you study too much they are trying to convey what I'm saying here. You are infinitely more than the sum of your Leaving Cert achievements. Your worth cannot be measured by 7A1's. You are a fine, intelligent and very lovable human being. All your parents, family and friends want is the happiness of having you in their lives. Don't lose sight of that.
