Question
I am 35 years of age and have had a number of sexual partners. I was rather late in losing my virginity and my problem is that I have never experienced an orgasm. It never used to be an issue for me as I always enjoyed sex. I guess you can't miss what you've never had, right? But now I really feel like I'm missing out and have realised that I never had, and may never ever enjoy, a satisfying and wholly fulfilled sexual relationship.
I have recently come out of a long-term relationship and I don't want to go into another one with this problem. I'm not sure if it's a physical or emotional problem, but it's possibly both.
Answer
I'm wondering why this has now become an issue. Do you think your relationship broke up because of it? Did you ex-partner complain about some lack of passion? Are you looking for answers as to why this relationship broke down and clutching at straws? In our sex-obsessed age, women have become silent about the fact that many of them don't have orgasms and don't miss them either. Just as many couples have very infrequent sex, and are satisfied. And some have none and are happy too. You are not, therefore, in any way unusual. Failure to have an orgasm is only a problem if we perceive it as being one.
Which is why I'm back to my first question: why is it a problem now? Do you see it as some kind of handicap? Are you scared it will somehow, by some mysterious means, scupper any future relationship? Or is it just a focus for your current sadness? Sorry for all the questions. It's just they are all I can offer you, based on what you've told me. What I'm trying to say is be wary of honing in on an issue, which is not really an issue, simply as a means of making sense of your life.
