Question
I'm a 28 year old man and am ashamed of my life. I've done some very bad things like seeing escorts for sex. And I can't stop using phone sex lines. I can't stop taking drugs like ecstasy either. I've tried to stop, but over the past ten years I keep going back to my old ways. I hate what I'm doing, like downloading hardcore porn. I am a good person and I've never hurt anyone. Yet I seem to constantly let myself and my family down. I'm trying to stop. I never wanted my life to be like this. But I can't change the past. Please help.
Answer
No, you can't change the past. You can use your shame to shape your future, starting now. You are an addict. That means you have to acknowledge three truths. Firstly, nothing can change until you decide to stop your addictive behaviour. Until we feel and face the emotional pressure that builds up when we stop whatever it is we're doing, we remain blind to the forces that drive us.
Secondly, you need help. Some things can't be handled simply by using our willpower. You've seen that. You tried to stop and you couldn't.
Thirdly, you have to take that first step, make that phone call, drop into that rehab unit, ask a friend to take you to a counsellor. You can't heal yourself alone. You can decide to start the process. It's up to you. All I can tell you is that you are worth it. I can't make you believe me. Are you ready to make that act of faith in yourself? I do very much hope so.
