Question
I've never had a boyfriend and would love to. But I missed out on some important female life skills. It's usually a mother who teaches these, but mine died when I was a toddler. This left me and my sister. But she bullied me consistently. There's also my aunt, my father's sister. But she has three boys and doesn't seem to know how to talk to me. I've just finished first year in college, and I got on well with my fellow-students. But for the boys I was only a 'friend-girl'. I just don't know how to do the female thing. This is seriously getting me down. My father never remarried although he's had a number of girlfriends. But I can't talk to him.
Answer
Yes, a mother plays a huge role in teaching a daughter how to be female. It must have been a lonely road, growing up without her. I don't think, though, that her absence is the real problem. Lots of girls are slow to find their way from being the friend to being the romantic interest. It's comfortable and safe and familiar to be friends. It's scary to step out as a desirable woman. That said, there are loads of women around you doing just that. So why not study them? It is, after all, a learning process. Watch. It's subtle. Yet it's also simple. You don't worry about what you're like. You just approach boys as a men, rather than fellow students. It's like switching in to the sex channel. It's about acknowledging them - just in your head - as a sexually attractive human beings. And when you switch on in your head, the boys pick up the signal. It's not about being bold. It's non-verbal communication. And sure, things like grooming, clothes that suit you, developing your own style of femininity all help. But really they only help you to express what's already in your head. They are only outward signs of that internal sexual switching on. So look around you. And don't fret. Some of us are just late starters.
