Patricia Redlich

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I'm A Master Of Seduction

20th April, 2008


Question
Over the past few years I have become very successful at picking up and seducing women. I have honed my skills down to a fine art and know exactly what to do and say in order to make a lady like me. I've even appeared in an American documentary about pick-up artists, basically master seducers, and consider myself equal to any of them. In short I am one of the best seducers in the world and could have any woman I wanted, given time with her. This is not an empty or vain claim.

My problem is that this has taken over my whole life. I find myself chatting up women everywhere, whether it's at the newsstand, in a bank, or on the phone while making a routine business call. I just can't help myself and even if the woman is married, it doesn't stop me. I see it as giving her something she isn't getting in whatever relationship she's in. And I'm open with the women, telling them they are getting involved in a poly-amourous relationship and always letting them know that I have numerous other girlfriends.

I really think it's an addiction. And I'm getting in deeper and deeper. I now have men begging me to teach them my methods and I know I would make a great teacher. But even though I love the lifestyle, I want to take a break.

Not long ago I dated a Hungarian model and really fell in love with her. But because of my lifestyle, it ended abruptly. I often have women confessing their love for me, but this was the first time I ever really fell in love myself. Sometimes I think I'm looking for the perfect woman.

I'm getting more and more sucked in. Please help.

Answer
You're hooked aren't you? Look at your letter. The life-style still sets you alight. You set out to ask for help to overcome the addiction. Yet you can't stop talking up the thrill of being a seduction master. No, I know you're not simply boasting. You are describing the true nature of the fix. Depending on your strength of character, this can be either the route to your salvation, or a recipe for disaster.

It makes no sense to underestimate the depth of an addiction. Accepting the seductive enormity of the buzz is just another way of saying that we recognize the extent of the temptation. We face our own fragility. That, in turn, allows us to put in place the necessary help we're going to need - counselling sessions, buddies we can call on when we're tempted, support groups who will strip away our false pride and allow us to see our true vulnerability. Acknowledging the addiction helps us see the size of the challenge. It opens the path to true humility. It stops us fooling ourselves.

On the other hand, you don't ditch an addiction while you're still in its thrall. And right now I can't tell if you're explaining the buzz, or still revelling in it. Do you know? Are you still proud of being a master of seduction? Or are you trying to spell out the nature of the hold it has over you? Of course this addiction is ruining your life. But it's also very much the way you define yourself isn't it? It still makes you feel powerful doesn't it? Or is that just the understandable bravado of someone trying to admit his vulnerability?

Any attempt on my part to paint a picture of your personality would be pure pop psychology, not to mention arrogant and offensive. I won't do that. But I will tell you some of the things I've learned over a lifetime, both professional and personal, which might help you take the next step.

Sex is often a substitute for intimacy. Doing it, often, with a multiplicity of maidens, may sound like the definitive dream. Being able, always, to get the girl, seems heady stuff. It's not, however, what ultimately matters. What feeds the soul, and nurtures the sense of self, is to be truly seen, in all our strength and weakness. Do these women catch a glimpse of your soul? Or is the mastery of seduction more about hiding your true self?

Are you, perhaps, caught up in the awful contradiction that the perfect woman is the one who says no? We shoot ourselves in the foot in all sorts of ways. Take a look at the lady who's written the other letter to me this week. Such emotional sabotage is not random. It's always creative self-protection. If you're scared of rejection, what better way than to make sure that no woman ever gets really close.

Your ability to seduce certainly makes you feel powerful. And there's nothing wrong with wanting power. It's just another way of saying that we need to feel we can self-protect. The problem is that some sources of power leave us very lonely. Think of the bully. He is always alone. Maybe a seduction master is too. What do you think? Isn't it perhaps time you found some other way to feel safe?
 
Irish based professional therapist and journalist. Website By : Deise Design