4th January, 2009
Question
A year ago, with great excitement and hope, I got a bank loan and started a business. I knew it would take a while until I was on a good salary. But this summer the recession hit and basically, despite my best efforts to succeed, my business failed and I have hardly made any money. I went to the bank for an overdraft and was refused. I even turned to family and two friends I felt I could trust, but no-one can, or will, help me. In the midst of all this, my boyfriend left me.
I'm now two months behind with the bills and mortgage, and am in a serious state of despair. I don't know who to turn to, or what to do.
Answer
You're stuck in a state of shock. You put yourself on the line, and it didn't work out. You're paralysed by disappointment. It will pass.
To help you shift, stop the despair, and start thinking outside the box, you need first to forgive yourself. Failure in any particular endeavour is par for the course. It doesn't mean you're a failure. It simply means you're human. If you wish to put it differently, you're not special, unique, or a once-off with your business failure. You're mainstream, normal, ordinary. And being ordinary is nice, as well as comforting. You're among friends. Stop beating yourself up.
The importance of failure is that it gives us an opportunity to examine our strengths and weaknesses. Certainly, success can do that too, but only if we're near sainthood, or seriously mature. I mean, who wants to stop and ask why when you're on a roll? Failure forces us to ask questions, an integral part of any learning curve.
Thinking outside the box is not just about getting financial advice on entrepreneurial endeavour. It's also about checking out your local social services for any emergency benefits on offer, and getting personal financial advice, like how to approach your mortgage company, rather than hiding in shame, by contacting MABS (Money Advice & Budgeting Service) Helpline, 1890-283438, who'll steer you through the initial stages.
Broadening your horizons also involves ditching false pride. Maybe your enterprise can be rescued. In the meantime, however, don't dismiss the notion of getting the day-job, any day-job, to help ends meet.
Losing the boyfriend was a double-whammy. Did he know you were going down, business-wise? If he did, then he's rather a rat, because how bad could it have been to hang in there until the crisis passed? Or perhaps he left in desperation because you were obviously seriously in trouble and refusing to recognise the fact. It's not always wise to stand aside and watch someone dig themselves into serious stress. Sometimes it takes a serious stand to make that clear. So maybe he did you a favour. You judge. I don't know the circumstances.
Silence is always the big no-no in such situations. Go talk. To-morrow.
