Question
I'm a 19 year old country girl with a complicated background, although I don't think that has any bearing on my problem. I was reared by my grandparents and still live with them. I have no contact with my father, and only a little with my mother, for reasons I don't need to spell out right here. I've started college to train as a teacher.
In May this year I met the most incredible guy. There was an instant connection, at least on my side. He made me feel completely relaxed. We chatted a lot but never exchanged numbers. I did take note of his name, because he had to sign a form for me. I saw him again in July in his workplace, but he didn't see me. I still felt something very strong for him so I sent two simple cards to him with my telephone number, saying 'please feel free to get in touch'. I heard nothing.
Two weeks ago I met him again, he seemed delighted to see me, we chatted for ages, but he never mentioned the cards I'd sent. And again we didn't exchange telephone numbers. I did find out, however, that I'd got his name slightly wrong, so it's possible he never got my cards.
As it turns out, I'm now going to be seeing him regularly as he's starting at my college as a mature student. I care about him a lot and do see myself getting along really well with him. But I'm confused. Should I do something about getting in touch with him, like dropping in a note by hand to his workplace? Or is it time to move on? I've only ever kissed one guy so I'm completely out of my depth.
Answer
You have all the time in the world. You don't need to contact him. Nor do you need to move on. You fancy him, you're going to see him regularly, you'll have endless opportunities to move the relationship along. You see, for now it doesn't matter whether he fancies you or not. Attraction doesn't have to be mutual from the start. Sometimes we love someone for a long time before they find us. And, of course, sometimes they don't fancy us back and we have to forget it.
Settle for being friendly and fun to be with. Openly enjoy being around him. Smile when you meet. But don't be too pushy. Take joy in all of your social surroundings, be it a class, a social encounter with fellow students, a particular cultural or sporting pastime, whatever. Reach out to him from your happy world, rather than making him the centre of your universe.
All that said, I think you'd still like the current situation clarified. So here's my best shot. In romantic novels, hero and heroine are separated by fate - a lost letter, a miscommunication engineered by a jealous rival, messages deliberately not passed on by a disapproving family. In the real world, this seldom happens. So the chances are he got your cards and decided not to contact you. But even if he didn't get your cards, he did have the opportunity to ask for your telephone number, on several occasions, and failed to do so.
My point is, don't be disheartened. As you get to know him you'll be able to see whether he's shy, or just not romantically interested in you. You'll also have time to try and change his mind, not by chasing him, but by showing him how attractive you are, how you shine in your world, how the atmosphere around you hums with happiness.
